Top Jokes With An Awesome Game!

We all love a good simple jokes that crack a few laughs huh? Well here I have listed the top jokes that you cant say without laughing. (The best fun way to do this with a little game is to have 2 friends with water in their mouths you tell them the jokes and face to face things can only get interesting!) "3 drunk guys entered a taxi. The taxi driver knew that they were drunk so he started the engine & turned it off again. Then said, "We have reached your destination". The 1st guy gave him money & the 2nd guy said "Thank you". The 3rd guy slapped the driver. The driver was shocked thinking the 3rd drunk knew what he did. But then he asked "What was that for?". The 3rd guy replied, "Control your speed next time, you nearly killed us!" "Boy: The principal is such an ass!
Girl: Do you know who I am?
Boy: No...
Girl: I am the principal's daughter!
Boy: Do you know who I am?
Girl: No...
Boy: Good! *walks away*" "When people go underwater in scary movies, I like to hold my breath and see if I would have survived that situation. 
I almost died in Finding Nemo." "Me: should I get into trouble for something I didn't do?
Teacher: No
Me: Good, because I didn't do my homework." "My friend thinks he is smart. He told me an onion is the only food that makes you cry, so I threw a coconut at his face." "I was walking along the street the other day when I slipped in dog shit. A minute later, some guy did exactly the same thing. I said to him, "I just did that." So, he punched me in the face and called me a dirty bastard." "Q: Is google a boy or girl?
A: Obviously a girl because it wont let you finish your sentence without suggesting other ideas." "Men at 26 plays football,
Men at 40 plays tennis,
Men at 60 plays golf,
have you noticed every time you get older
your ball gets smaller." "Election and Erection are spelled almost exactly the same. They both mean the same thing too. A dick rising to power." "Got arrested at the airport last week. Apparently, security doesn't appreciate it when you call "shotgun" before boarding a plane." "Teacher: "Kids,what does the chicken give you?"
Student: "Meat!"
Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"
Student: "Bacon!"
Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"
Student: "Homework!" "A snail that meows, a squirrel in an astronaut suit, and a crab with a whale for a daughter: The Directors of Spongebob were obviously high." "I predict that in the future, Youtube,Twitter, and Facebook will merge to create one super time-wasting site called YouTwitFace." "Imagine if your fridge did what you do to it everyday. Every half hour it goes to your room opens the door, and stares at you for 5 minutes then leaves." "Me: I bet you can't say the alphabet faster than me.
Friend: challenge accepted A B C D E F G H I....
Me: the alphabet
Friend: you son of a b*tch..." "Three guys, stranded on a desert island, find a magic lantern containing a genie, who grants them each one wish. The first guy wishes he was off the island and back home. The second guy wishes the same. The third guy says "I’m lonely. I wish my friends were back here." "A guy is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can. Three years later, there’s a knock on the door. He opens it and sees the same snail. The snail says "What the hell was that all about?" "My wife and I took out life insurance policies on each other -- so now it's just a waiting game." "I've decided to sell my Hoover… well, it was just collecting dust..." "Bob: "I just got a new set of golf clubs for my wife." Jim: "Great trade!"

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The Punk Rock Princess -Edinburgh/Scotland/Malta