I think we all like to take things. I think it'd be fair. It's just that some of us appear to do so more than others. And, if it happens, some of us can handle it in us better than others.
It is never safe to take things personally: a worker, friend, husband-wife, partner-partner, child-parent, For several reasons. For several reasons. One main factor, if you take it personally, is that, whether you blame yourself or not, your emotions will continuously be at the hands of others. In a relationship, this is never safe, and any way of living!
I want to tell you a little trick that works if you are someone who tends to take stuff that people say or do personally. It needs knowing why often people do what they do and recognizing that sometimes what they do is irrelevant to us and thus no need to take it personally. I will share this trick using two concepts of partnership.
1: Often, people are selfish. Relationship Theory 1. It may sound pessimistic, but it may bear with me.
That we have all selfish impulses is, I think, an undeniable thing. Some of us, though, are more egoistic than others. And in the right situations, some of us may become greedy.
In knowing and acknowledging that often people are egotistical, we also understand the people:
- will think only in terms of what is best for them,
-- see it from their perspective only,-
-- Would like to be right about everything,
-- will want to have stuff in its way,
-- won't know how it impacts others,-
-- So forth.-
As a consequence, people often do what they do because they are driven by egotism! And if they are motivated by selfishness, there is no justification why we take it personally and say that their actions have nothing to do with us. You might honestly argue that their acts showed you how egotistical they are.
Don't take it personally, for example, if someone cuts you as you drive. Just say to yourself, "this person just showed me how selfish he/she is by cutting myself off.
Principle 2: It's always a justification for people to do what they do.
This does not mean that people always have the right thing to do. It does not always mean that you will be excused for your job. It doesn't mean that you know exactly why you did what you did. But there's still a reason, however!
There are a few reasons why I can believe people do what they sometimes do (maybe you should talk of other things):
-- unmet needs from the past,
-- the needs of today,
-- needs, now-
-- Past problems or disputes that were not resolved,
-- Hurts from the past,
-- Worries of today,
-- hang-ups today,-
-- alternative explanations or hidden agenda,-
-- emerging insecurities,
-- decisions from the past,
-- problems related to personality,
-- Disorders of the character, e.g. narcissism, Attach, ADHD, empathy loss,
-- So forth.-
Therefore, sometimes people do what they're doing only because they're inspired by who they are and their baggage! And there's no reason why we would take things personally they do and say if this stuff inspires them. In reality, your acts have shown that you do the same because you "have problems." Again, nothing and therefore nothing personal to do with us.
To conclude, it is to realize and agree that people are often selfish and "has problems" without taking it seriously and that the actions of them sometimes has nothing to do with us. You can also turn it around and say they misrepresent their actions. This helps you move the emphasis away (which is partly why you take things) and put it on them (that enables you to avoid taking things personally).